First of all, let’s acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with being single.
In fact, there are a lot of perks. Full control of the TV remote and nobody touches your leftovers, just to name a few.
Secondly, let’s remember that being single is better than being in a dead-end or unhealthy relationship.
Staying involved in anything in life that has no potential is a quick way to sap all that beautiful vitality you’ve got going on over there.
If we’re going to attach ourselves to another person, they should bring out the best parts of us. Like many others, I’ve been in relationships that have changed me into something I’m not, that have stealthily robbed me of pieces of myself, that have left me in a place where I had to rebuild in their wake.
They suck. But, I don’t regret them. I’ve learned something from each one.
Through those experiences I began to develop some useful little things like boundaries, perspective, and patience when it comes to dating.
I’ve been single for a few years. Plenty of dating, little reward.
Sometimes, that’s just how it is.
The dating scene can be a beast. A flaky, superficial, and exhausting beast. It can also be exhilarating and magical. Leaving you feeling all kinds of twitterpated and just plain stupid.
Maybe it depends on the tides, or the full moon, or whether Sagittarius is rising or something. Hell if I know. But, it’s a trip.
The options seem endless due to our ever-increasing online presence. Shorter attention spans threaten to overwhelm us with numerous shallow connections rather than meaningful interactions that require more time and effort.
If we’re not careful, we can get caught up in dramatic flings because of the thrill. We grow accustomed to the unpredictable turmoil because drama can so easily be mistaken for passion.
Sometimes we run into perfectly nice people and spend our time dating them knowing full well that we’ve got different priorities, paths, or beliefs. They’re good people…but something deeper is missing. Then you linger in it because you think it’s better than being “alone” or because you don’t want to go through the uncomfortable part of breaking it off.
The scenarios go on and on and suddenly you’re marking your relationship status as “It’s Complicated” on Facebook. Just the fact that that’s an option is a sign of the times, am I right?
I’ve run into complete and absolute jerks.
I’ve met plenty of good men.
I’ve crossed paths with many seemingly good men. Perhaps the most dangerous kind.
At some point during the process of encountering all these different kinds of people and having things fizzle out because of this or that, it gets a little…repetitive.
So, what do you do when dating starts feeling like a chore? You stop. Even if it’s for a brief time.
Because, damn it…dating should be somewhat enjoyable.
You gotta step back and think: What’s the pattern here? Am I going out on dates because I’ve met someone I genuinely want to get to know or because I feel like I should?
Ask yourself: “What kind of people am I attracting and what people am I drawn to? Why?”
I’ve realized my pattern and the reasoning behind it. Do you know yours?
Beginning to understand your dating and attraction themes give you a better idea of whether the right path is in sight or whether you’re likely to keep reliving the same dating patterns unless you do some tweaking to the system. Just that little bit of self-awareness can start to set the wheels of change in motion.
One of the most self-defeating things we can do is try to force a relationship.
So many times I’ve seen, in myself and in others, this need to force a connection that’s just not happening naturally because you want it so bad.
Maybe the other person isn’t meeting you halfway. Maybe they’re giving you clear signs that it’s a no-go, but your feelings are so involved that you keep making excuses for them, lingering in hopes that they’ll come around.
Maybe you just plain exist on entirely different wavelengths.
Do yourself a kindness and steer clear of “relationships” that make you feel more alone than being single ever could.
In a nutshell, you end up with these simple reasons for temporarily flying solo:
- I haven’t met the right person yet.
- I’m in no rush and have no interest in settling.
- I prefer to avoid unnecessary drama.
- I decided to focus on myself for the time being.
- Because I’m supposed to be, until I’m not.
One or more of these reasons can be in play at any given time. These are not just my reasons. They’re the universal reasons of the mindfully single.
It’s easy to get into the headspace that there are no more good men (or women) out there when dating gets disappointing.
But, that’s just not true.
They’re around. The person meant for you is already alive and walking around this planet right now.
There’s someone for everyone. And, good news, everyone is someone. We just have to be patient.
Meanwhile, enjoy your single time. It’s a temporary state that has its own set of advantages. Tap into those perks because you won’t be single forever, my friend. Enjoy the special attention you can assign to getting in touch with who you are and becoming genuinely fond of that person.
After all, reaching the point where you don’t need someone is the best state in which to find someone.
Every love interest I’ve had has shown up when I least expected it.
I’ll happily greet the next one with open arms when he gets here, but I think I’ll be just fine until then.
Instead of worrying about how long you have been or will be single, focus on becoming the most awesome version of yourself possible before they show up (which, I assure you, will be just when they are meant to).
It could be any day now…
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