Dating & Relationships

5 Reasons I’m Still Single

First of all, let’s acknowledge that there’s nothing wrong with being single.

In fact, there are a lot of perks. Full control of the TV remote and nobody touches your leftovers, just to name a few.

Secondly, let’s remember that being single is better than being in a dead-end or unhealthy relationship.

Staying involved in anything in life that has no potential is a quick way to sap all that beautiful vitality you’ve got going on over there.

If we’re going to attach ourselves to another person, they should bring out the best parts of us. Like many others, I’ve been in relationships that have changed me into something I’m not, that have stealthily robbed me of pieces of myself, that have left me in a place where I had to rebuild in their wake.

They suck. But, I don’t regret them. I’ve learned something from each one.

Through those experiences I began to develop some useful little things like boundaries, perspective, and patience when it comes to dating.

I’ve been single for a few years. Plenty of dating, little reward.

Sometimes, that’s just how it is.

The dating scene can be a beast. A flaky, superficial, and exhausting beast. It can also be exhilarating and magical. Leaving you feeling all kinds of twitterpated and just plain stupid.

Maybe it depends on the tides, or the full moon, or whether Sagittarius is rising or something. Hell if I know. But, it’s a trip.

The options seem endless due to our ever-increasing online presence. Shorter attention spans threaten to overwhelm us with numerous shallow connections rather than meaningful interactions that require more time and effort.

If we’re not careful, we can get caught up in dramatic flings because of the thrill. We grow accustomed to the unpredictable turmoil because drama can so easily be mistaken for passion.

Sometimes we run into perfectly nice people and spend our time dating them knowing full well that we’ve got different priorities, paths, or beliefs. They’re good people…but something deeper is missing. Then you linger in it because you think it’s better than being “alone” or because you don’t want to go through the uncomfortable part of breaking it off.

The scenarios go on and on and suddenly you’re marking your relationship status as “It’s Complicated” on Facebook. Just the fact that that’s an option is a sign of the times, am I right?

divider-7

I’ve run into complete and absolute jerks.

I’ve met plenty of good men.

I’ve crossed paths with many seemingly good men. Perhaps the most dangerous kind.

divider-7

At some point during the process of encountering all these different kinds of people and having things fizzle out because of this or that, it gets a little…repetitive.

So, what do you do when dating starts feeling like a chore? You stop. Even if it’s for a brief time.

Because, damn it…dating should be somewhat enjoyable.

You gotta step back and think: What’s the pattern here? Am I going out on dates because I’ve met someone I genuinely want to get to know or because I feel like I should?

Ask yourself: “What kind of people am I attracting and what people am I drawn to? Why?”

I’ve realized my pattern and the reasoning behind it. Do you know yours?

Beginning to understand your dating and attraction themes give you a better idea of whether the right path is in sight or whether you’re likely to keep reliving the same dating patterns unless you do some tweaking to the system. Just that little bit of self-awareness can start to set the wheels of change in motion.

One of the most self-defeating things we can do is try to force a relationship.

So many times I’ve seen, in myself and in others, this need to force a connection that’s just not happening naturally because you want it so bad.

Maybe the other person isn’t meeting you halfway. Maybe they’re giving you clear signs that it’s a no-go, but your feelings are so involved that you keep making excuses for them, lingering in hopes that they’ll come around.

Maybe you just plain exist on entirely different wavelengths.

Do yourself a kindness and steer clear of “relationships” that make you feel more alone than being single ever could.

divider-7

In a nutshell, you end up with these simple reasons for temporarily flying solo:

  1. I haven’t met the right person yet.
  2. I’m in no rush and have no interest in settling.
  3. I prefer to avoid unnecessary drama.
  4. I decided to focus on myself for the time being.
  5. Because I’m supposed to be, until I’m not.

One or more of these reasons can be in play at any given time. These are not just my reasons. They’re the universal reasons of the mindfully single.

divider-7

It’s easy to get into the headspace that there are no more good men (or women) out there when dating gets disappointing.

But, that’s just not true.

They’re around. The person meant for you is already alive and walking around this planet right now.

There’s someone for everyone. And, good news, everyone is someone. We just have to be patient.

Meanwhile, enjoy your single time. It’s a temporary state that has its own set of advantages. Tap into those perks because you won’t be single forever, my friend. Enjoy the special attention you can assign to getting in touch with who you are and becoming genuinely fond of that person.

After all, reaching the point where you don’t need someone is the best state in which to find someone.

Every love interest I’ve had has shown up when I least expected it.

I’ll happily greet the next one with open arms when he gets here, but I think I’ll be just fine until then.

Instead of worrying about how long you have been or will be single, focus on becoming the most awesome version of yourself possible before they show up (which, I assure you, will be just when they are meant to).

It could be any day now…


divider-7

Like and share if you enjoyed this post and feel free to follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat 😉 Head over to Podcasts to hear me talk about the dating life.

2 thoughts on “5 Reasons I’m Still Single

  1. Hi Courtney,

    At the extreme risk of stating the obvious (Hah), your blog-pics are… mildly put, stunning. Duh, right? So not to sound/read like the typical high-T’d hetero male that I’m sure you’re very bored with by now… I want to say that it is VERY FINE and timely to be single, but not alone. I applaud you and this blog-post!

    And so I want to be very real, raw, and share something I have found years of inspiration inside. You may be familiar with her poem, but if not, here ya go. Please excuse the length, but it is SO worth it! ❤

    It doesn’t interest me
    what you do for a living.
    I want to know
    what you ache for
    and if you dare to dream
    of meeting your heart’s longing.

    It doesn’t interest me
    how old you are.
    I want to know
    if you will risk
    looking like a fool
    for love
    for your dream
    for the adventure of being alive.

    It doesn’t interest me
    what planets are
    squaring your moon…
    I want to know
    if you have touched
    the centre of your own sorrow
    if you have been opened
    by life’s betrayals
    or have become shrivelled and closed
    from fear of further pain.
    I want to know
    if you can sit with pain
    mine or your own
    without moving to hide it
    or fade it
    or fix it.
    I want to know
    if you can be with joy
    mine or your own
    if you can dance with wildness
    and let the ecstasy fill you
    to the tips of your fingers and toes
    without cautioning us
    to be careful
    to be realistic
    to remember the limitations
    of being human.

    It doesn’t interest me
    if the story you are telling me
    is true.
    I want to know if you can
    disappoint another
    to be true to yourself.
    If you can bear
    the accusation of betrayal
    and not betray your own soul.
    If you can be faithless
    and therefore trustworthy.
    I want to know if you can see Beauty
    even when it is not pretty
    every day.
    And if you can source your own life
    from its presence.
    I want to know
    if you can live with failure
    yours and mine
    and still stand at the edge of the lake
    and shout to the silver of the full moon,
    “Yes.”

    It doesn’t interest me
    to know where you live
    or how much money you have.
    I want to know if you can get up
    after the night of grief and despair
    weary and bruised to the bone
    and do what needs to be done
    to feed the children.

    It doesn’t interest me
    who you know
    or how you came to be here.
    I want to know if you will stand
    in the centre of the fire
    with me
    and not shrink back.

    It doesn’t interest me
    where or what or with whom
    you have studied.
    I want to know
    what sustains you
    from the inside
    when all else falls away.
    I want to know
    if you can be alone
    with yourself
    and if you truly like
    the company you keep
    in the empty moments.

    — Oriah Mountain Dreamer, The Invitation

    Warm heartfelt wishes for you Courtney! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s