“I’m the best cuddler. Honestly, it’s one of my favorite things.”
Newsflash, guys: Most of you say some version of this. You’ve all collectively decided that this is a must-say to women because you think we love it and it’s gonna score you so many points. Nope. Not really. We hear it too often and you rarely ever mean it. If you love cuddling, prove it on the couch or in the sheets.
Don’t speak about a future you know isn’t going to happen.
I’ve said it before…and I’m gonna say it again: If you’re looking for something casual or are just aiming for the hook up, then just speak in terms of the now. No need to pretend that there’s gonna be more and that you want to live happily ever after with her. You’re dealing out false hope. You’re creating unnecessary, cheap expectation that will most likely come back to bite you in the ass. “By any means necessary” shouldn’t be your approach to picking up a woman if you consider yourself a mature male.
“I thought you were a strong, independent woman.”
We’re in this place where guys use the feminist, #metoo world we live in to do a lot less. Fewer doors are being opened. Women are carrying heavy items on the daily. Fair enough, guys, but understand that there are a lot of women out there that still very much appreciate the classic chivalry moves. And just because she can do something, because of course she probably can, doesn’t mean she wants to have to do those things. When you do those little things as a simple show of respect, it’s gonna go far and you’re gonna stand out in the crowd. And you need to stand out if you’re really interested. There’s only about 7,320 other dudes she can swipe through on Hinge.
“Honestly, I’m a thousand percent a feminist. Men are terrible. If anything, I’m on your side.”
I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you’re laying it on a little thick. Women can be strong and equal without simultaneously making all men wrong and evil.
Some men suck. Some women suck. Let’s all make a deal right here and now to try and suck less no matter what gender we are. Deal? Deal.
“We should probably hang out sometime, maybe. *If I’m not tired, distracted, or if I even remember you exist on that day.”
We speak too often in generalities and there’s an excess of lackadaisical planning. It’s actually an insult to the word “planning” to use it in this context. A more accurate choice would be “mildly wishful thinking” or even “lying to ourselves”. There are so many half-assed plans floating around in the air, I’m surprised we can’t see them.
This use of generality gets worse when we try to date as adult humans and, in truth, that’s when the respect for each other’s time needs to increase exponentially.
You’re a grown up. You’ve got work, schedules, hobbies, routines. To make time for another person while maintaining the important parts of the day that you’ve created for yourself can become increasingly difficult. Not only do we have more life experience to draw upon when it comes to what we’re truly looking for (and what we should avoid), we’ve simply had more time to create our own patterns and purposes. We need people to fit more precisely into our customized partner slots than we did at 21.
But, I’ll tell you what…
If you deal in too many ifs, ands, and maybes, then guess what…it ain’t never gonna happen, playboy.
The flakiness and lack of intention in the dating scene is making it feel like people are just leaves in the wind. Blowing haphazardly by for a second to distract you and forgotten in the next.
It’s a waste of energy and, quite frankly, an abuse of each other’s time.
Next time you try to make plans with someone, try something like: “When are you free for drinks at _________ this week? It’d be great to see you.”
It’s a flexible (yet direct) question that communicates intent and creates a concrete idea of what someone is saying “yes” to. You even sprinkled a little enthusiasm on the end to personalize it. Now, she’s thinking, “Oh, I do like that bar. Maybe it would be fun to check that out.” You’ve added context by being a man with a plan.
This doesn’t ensure she’ll be into you, but it does give you a better chance of getting that all-important face time.
People That Are Internet Dating: YOU NEED FACE TIME.
I’m not talkin’ about the Apple app. I’m talkin’ about person-to-person-in-the-same-room time. That’s how solid relationship foundations are truly built. All kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones.
You are simply not a real person until you’ve spent actual time with someone. Period.
There are too many micro-expressions, energies, and intricacies to pick up in the presence of another person. We are wired to subconsciously understand these details as a means of knowing who is compatible with us and who is even straight-up dangerous to us, emotionally and/or physically.
This new manner of digital communication gives you no access to this ancient knowledge with which you’ve been innately gifted.
Words can be one of the most powerful tools you have to create connection. But, if your words mean nothing…then that’s exactly what they’ll be.
Powerless to garner you respect and build your reputation with a woman or even just people in general.
What a waste, am I right?
Stop saying cliches and sentences that have lost all meaning. Stop saying things that you think women want to hear. Stop trying to do as little as possible. Stop being afraid to speak a little truth.
You’ve got better things to do and so do we.
Aim for genuine compliments. Aim to ask open-ended questions, so you can learn more in shorter time frames. Aim to follow up with people in a way that says you value their time.
Aim to drop the games, guys. No one wants to win using cheat codes.