I’ve been asked so many times, “What’s the best way to approach a woman in a bar?”
What I really hear? “How do I approach a woman in a bar without being annoying or having to face a harsh rejection?”
For the men who don’t hit on 27 different women a night, I’m sure it can be difficult to figure out how to make the first move without coming off like just another garden variety douche.
I can appreciate that.
A fear of rejection has to linger somewhere in the back of your mind. You’re putting yourself out there.
Maybe you’ve approached women before and they seem immediately guarded and dismissive. Don’t take that personally. Most likely it has nothing to do with you. Maybe she gets hit on a lot and it’s not always the best experience. She could be dating someone. Maybe she’s cautious of strangers. Maybe she’s rude. Whichever reason it is, understand that the reason lies outside of you. Unless…you’re being obnoxious. Please tell me that’s not the case.
So, this is the simplest advice I can give to any man who is looking to alleviate the fear of rejection and talk to any woman with confidence.
1. Release your expectations.
So pivotal. Let it all go. You’re not trying to go on a date. You’re not trying to get a number. You’re not trying to hook up. You’re not trying to GET anything from her. Maybe you do want these things, but this isn’t your intention at this moment. You’re simply there to show an interest and let her know you’re there.
2. Pick your compliment.
You can go with a general compliment OR you can look at her and find something specific that you find beautiful about her. Steer clear from anything sexual. That should go without saying when you’re walking up to a stranger, but some guys need to be reminded of that. You know who you are.
3. Pick your moment.
Find the least intrusive time to approach. Is she in mid-story talking with her girls at the bar? Maybe wait for the convo to die down. Look for a lull.
4. Introduce yourself politely and offer a genuine compliment.
This is the part where you walk up to her feeling casual and confident. Let me give you a basic outline of what you could say:
“Hi, I don’t mean to bother you, but you have the most beautiful eyes. I just wanted to tell you that, but I don’t want to interrupt. I’ll let you get back to your friends. Have a great rest of your night.”
That’s the idea, but get in there and adjust it to whatever matches your situation, environment, and natural way of speech.
5. Walk away.
What? Yup. Smile and make your exit. Why?
You’ve shown interest with no pressure applied on either side.
In the ideal situation, she’ll stop you from leaving by striking up a conversation.
Otherwise, you just walk away.
If her interest is piqued she’ll find a way to place herself in your path again. At the very least, she’ll make some meaningful eye contact with you from across the bar. Most of us spend a good portion of our days avoiding the eye contact of strangers, so don’t ignore this key indication of interest.
Maybe she just says “thank you” and that’s the end of it.
Chalk it up as a nice moment where you got to compliment a person you found beautiful. You probably just brightened up her night. If she has any kind of snotty or unappreciative reaction to your compliment, she’s not a person you wanted to talk to anyway. Any woman with manners and an ounce of kindness will appreciate your polite approach and thank you.
The key to making this attractive is that you’re genuine and respectful in a time where that is woefully lacking. ESPECIALLY, in the bar scene.
Be a person offering another person a compliment. Simplify your approach.
Remember Step 1? That’s where you live.
Keep in mind: this is the simplest way to approach a woman. By all means, embellish these steps with your confidence and personality. Be more politely ambitious towards pursuing someone that particularly intrigues you.
But…all that said…
This is a great place to start.