Saddle up for a little honesty, kids. It’s time to get real about what’s going on in the streets.
Sometimes people don’t text back. Crazy, right?
It’s called ghosting and it’s a damn epidemic, ya’ll. I do it and I’ve experienced the other side of it. Quite frankly, I don’t know of a friend that hasn’t been visited by a ghost. If it happens enough, it can start to make you feel like you don’t matter to others or that there’s something wrong with you.
Ditch that idea right now before you keep reading, my friend, because that ain’t it.
I read an article that said human attention spans have dropped to about 8 seconds on average due to smartphones. Meanwhile, our multi-tasking skills have gone all the way up. Add on the fact that we have an ever-growing desire for instant gratification and you’ve got yourself one frustrating double-edged sword.
No wonder we disappear on each other so often.
In actuality, there are two kinds of ghosts. The first is a perma-ghost. They might as well have fallen off the literal Earth. You’re gonna have to go ahead and let these ones go because you can’t even get a “K” or an emoji back.
The other kind is a more temperamental ghost. Wafting in and out on strong breezes. They’ll disappear for as long as you let them, acknowledge your occasional text greetings, then fade away again just as quickly as they appeared.
Undoubtedly, to handle important ghostly business.
With that said, let’s go through some possible reasons why you haven’t heard back from that spectral individual:
1. They know they can’t give you what you want.
If they sense that you’re looking for a date or something more and can’t reciprocate that vibe, they may just stop interaction with you altogether. It’s a common tactic used to steer clear of having to tell you “no” or avoid dishing out that false hope.
2. They’re flaky and will get back to you when they remember…maybe.
These free spirits don’t live on a normal timeline and tend to pop in and out of your life on a whim. Their interest level is low and unpredictable. Recognize these personalities and learn to expect the one thing they can offer you: inconsistency.
3. They’re going through something.
Some people tend to fall off the grid when life gets dark and difficult. Most people won’t admit that this is the reason they were M.I.A.
4. You were disrespectful and they don’t tolerate that mess.
Nothing is more confusing to me than a rude person who wonders why they didn’t get a text back. If I had a dollar for every man that’s DM’d me some sexual B.S. in the first message, then immediately turned to trying to degrade me when I didn’t respond: I’d have enough to order up a Papa John’s pizza and get my snack on while I continued to ignore these living examples of nonsense. Evaluate how you talk to other human beings.
5. They’re distracted by texting someone else back.
Thanks to the creation of online dating, the odds that someone you’re talking to is talking to someone else has grown exponentially. If you’re not getting their attention, it’s a possibility that someone else is.
6. They genuinely forgot.
Guilty as charged. It’s not a good reason, but it’s a real one. (Disclaimer: If people are really into you…they never forget. Food for thought.)
7. They lost their phone charger and their phone’s been dead for days.
Don’t play. You know that’s not a real reason.
8. They’ve passed on to the great beyond.
This wins for “Most Acceptable” reason and “Most Unlikely” reason all at the same time. Odds are they’re still out there breathing oxygen.
9. They don’t know you well enough to prioritize responding to you.
If you’ve never met in real life, have been on one date, or are an acquaintance…most likely there’s just not a strong connection here yet. That’s alright. They might even like you, but that relationship hasn’t been solidified enough to get into the top priority slot on their response list.
10. They’re fully occupied by their own existence.
Sometimes people have their blinders on. They’re in their own heads, living their own lives, and busy doing their own thing. Work, creative projects, goals, or their own amusement and well-being holds the highest priority in their existence right now and texting back isn’t sitting at the fore-front of their busy little minds.
The vast majority of the time you’re not going to have any idea which reason led to that text silence. Fun, right?
One of the most hurtful things that we commonly do to people is ignore them.
Ideally, we should put an effort into acknowledging each other. Inevitably, sometimes we fall short.
I’m guilty of ghosting and I’m not proud of it. I’d hate to think that I’ve bummed anyone out by disappearing and not being upfront about whatever was going on in my head. But, to be real, the kind of honesty that could hurt someone’s feelings or lead to awkwardness just doesn’t come easy for me.
And, in the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a #10 right now on the list we just discussed…UNLESS I get smacked upside the head with some of that raw instinctual connection and attraction.
I’ll always make time for that…
Now, let me tell you why none of what we just went over even matters:
Because the ones that are meant to be in your life right now and can give you the attention you want and deserve will…text…you…back.
Read that last sentence again.
So, unless you’re a #4, never take it personally. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with timing, compatibility, and the fact that another human being’s whims and desires are involved.
We’re all just people wandering around this planet, doing the best we can with who we are and the time we have, and struggling to communicate due to shrinking attention spans and ever increasing options and distractions.
Just spitballin’ here and working on gettin’ these blinders off.
Text me later.
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Be well, friends.